For years I went through life obsessed with how I was being perceived by others.
Why doesn’t she like me? Did I say or do something wrong? What’s wrong with me?
Oh no, I upset him…I’ll just take it back and do the thing he asked…even though I don’t really have time. I’ll make time because they need me to do it. I'm the only one that can.
No one in my family approves of me starting a new career. I guess I’ll just stick it out where I am and try to be happy, because it’s what they want.
This was my life.
These are actual thoughts that raced through my mind a thousand+ times a day.
I bet you can relate to this. Chances are you have your own version of these thoughts running on repeat in your mind right this very moment.
I'm about to teach you how you can finally release them for good...
When you find your mind obsessing over whether or not someone likes you, is mad at you, or disappointed by you, have you ever stopped to think about what it is actually worth to you?
Take a minute to check in and really ask yourself:
Do you truly need this person to like you? Do you really like them?
Or is it more likely that their dismissive behavior makes you feel like you are not good enough. Which makes you constantly try to get them to like you; constantly try to be better, do more to please them?
Do you actually want this person around in your life?
Are they building you up or tearing you down?
Does their presence in your life feel good or does it feel bad?
Are you living to get their approval without honoring what is important to you?
Once you check in on those questions you can consciously consider this one:
Why do you care if they think less of you for saying “No” to something that drains you?
It’s your life, friend. And you are in charge of it.
You have to set the intention for it, before someone else sets it for you.
There will always be demands on your time. There will always be people to please or disappoint. But you get to decide who and how you show up to those requests.
Years later, the conscious, self-aware version of me doesn’t aim to please out of fear of disappointing someone else. I aim to live authentically in order to not disappoint myself.
I do things for people because I love to help.
It makes me feel good to make others feel good.
The difference is: I don't do anything at the expense of my own needs.
And I don’t aim to please someone else in order to feel validated or good enough for them.
I work on feelings of self-validation every single day through my meditation and gratitude practices, journaling, my parenting and relationships. Even in my work, I am practicing acts of self-validation.
So when it comes to the demands or requests placed on me,
I make a choice to either do it, or don't. It's simple.
I choose based on how it makes me feel: Is it a “hell, yes”? Or does it feel heavy and unwanted?
If it is the latter, I do not make it mean anything about me or the other person.
I simply choose to lovingly say “No”.
With this new found personal philosophy I get to choose to help because I want to.
Not because "I have to".
Do you see the difference?
It is that choice that will liberate you from a life of feeling drained and unfulfilled, searching for approval and acting out of fear of disappointing others.
I know, I’ve lived it. I’ve experienced both sides.
And I can tell you, I know it is hard to see it this way now, but it will get easier.
You can do this. You can make this choice.
I want to help you get comfortable with making a conscious choice to say "No".
Because when you do, you will liberate yourself to live life on your terms, find your true meaning, and love life like you never thought possible!
Let’s all live that way, shall we?
Do you have questions, fears, or concerns about making a choice to say “No” and mean it?
Let’s talk about it. (Message me here.)
I’m always here for you.