How Venting could be Holding you Back
How many times have you told a story about your annoying coworkers?
I don't know about you, but if I had a dollar for every one I've ever told I think I'd be a millionaire.
Oh, the stories we tell.
Whether in our mind or out loud, venting to our husband about that coworker that's a real jerk, or telling your best friend about how frustrating it is that no one helps out at home and it's all on you, all. the. time.
You know the ones, right?
Well what you might not know is that the more you play out these "stories" over and over again, either out loud or in your mind, you are creating more of that same crappy experience to come back to you.
Let me call your attention to the Reticular Activating System, a fancy scientific word for the part of your brain that sees more of what you focus on.
For example- you buy a white SUV. You love this new white SUV.
You think you’ve never seen one like this.
And then all of a sudden, all you see on the road are white SUV’s. Right! I’m sure you’ve heard this before. And it’s true.
Try it today and count how many white SUVs you see, now that they are on your radar.
This can work for you or against you.
You can use this awareness to see more good stuff on your radar.
Or, in the case of venting to your friends and telling stories over and over (and over) again…you are unconsciously use it to bring you more of that same crappy story, again and again.
Not what you wanted to hear, was it?
What you focus on is what continues to show up in your scope.
It's all about perspective.
So if you are focused on too many bills and not enough time- you are going to constantly see too many bills and not enough time.
On the contrary, when you focus on different thoughts...like always getting green lights and never being late, or always having more where that came from when paying your bills (or anything else)...you will attract more evidence of that in your scope.
Reticular Activating System....We are all looking at the world through tinted glasses, they might be rose colored or they might be the opposite.
What color are yours?
I'll talk more next week about how you can change these stories. It takes practice, but over time it is possible to switch this. I call it rewiring.
For now, I want to share Step 1:
When you are venting to someone in your life and telling them a story of what happened, or what is happening that is frustrating the heck out of you, hurting your feelings, making you feel overwhelmed and angry...ASK YOURSELF:
"Is this a story that I want to be perpetuating? Do I want to keep living this experience?
Or do I want something to change?
That's it. Step 1 is and always will be Awareness.
Practice it this week.
We'll talk about attracting more of what you Do want and less of what you Don't want next week.
For now, practice asking yourself that question to shed some light on the stories you tell, whether in your mind, or out loud.
One word of caution...
I want to be clear, I am not telling you to stuff your feelings.
There is a reason why we vent.
It's the most widely used way that our society deals with human emotions.
But sadly, it is not necessarily the best way.
My favorite ways to practice healthy emotional release is by meditation, journaling, soaking baths and exercise. Oh, and good boundaries don't hurt either. It helps to be able to voice your needs regularly to maintain healthy balance.
As you become more aware of the stories you tell (whether in your mind or out loud) you will become more aware of the emotions that come with them.
Feel the feelings.
Don't push it down.
Don't ignore it.
And don't make yourself wrong or weak for having them.
It's okay. They are real. And they are there for a reason.
Learn from them. They are vitally informative to your life.
And learn to diffuse them, rather than pushing them away.
Allowing them to be, allows them to move through you (finding the release valve).
But telling the same story over and over again will not help you diffuse them. Instead, it creates more of that same unwanted feeling.
You get to choose.
Do you want more of what you Don't want, or more of what you Do?
It's up to you.
Start with step 1.
Ask yourself "Do I want more of this experience?"
If the answer is no, then be aware of that and consider "If I don't want this, what do I want?"
I'll be back to walk you through step 2 next week.